孩子哭着说自己“学不会”时，这三种鼓励方式有毒
<div style="max-width:677px !important;"><section style="font-size: 15px;font-family: PingFangSC-light;letter-spacing: 1px;line-height: 2.2;padding: 0px 15px;box-sizing: border-box;font-style: normal;font-weight: 400;text-align: justify;"><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><br></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">前阵子我说妞妞做不好也不被打击到，总是充满热情，愿意尝试。不少读者问，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">怎么样才能让孩子不害怕失败，勇敢尝试啊？</strong></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/5f1880501c5251d26910e5ef84535f22.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">收到大家的提问，我突然想到，妞妞其实不是从来如此，小时候也经历过谨慎胆怯，也曾经在我们鼓励她的时候，皱着小脸贬低自己说“我不行”，“我很笨”，“我做不好”。</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">“做不好没关系，可以学，妈妈教你。”</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">“可是我学不会”。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">……</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">这样的对话发生过很多次。大概是我们做父母时最难过、最无力的时刻。</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">不知道你有没有这样的感受，我们经常温柔而坚定地在旁边给娃加油鼓劲儿的时候，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">孩子却越退越远了<span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/7aef75cbb16c433e41023425eba3714a.gif</span>。</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">是的，我们起的是<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">副作用</strong>……</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/fe2b082cff2d501a6ceb2d14cf823754.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">这种状态在心理学中被称为<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“习得性无助”</strong>。孩子在反复尝试某件事，却始终没获得好结果，或者达不到心理预期时，他们就可能会渐渐地变得悲观，形成固定的思维模式：我做不到的，这对我太难了，就这样了吧——<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">认为自己的“付出”无法改变“结果”，俗称<span style="font-size: 18px;color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">“心态崩了，认命吧”。</span></strong></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;">这会让整件事就此打住，不想继续努力了，最后直接放弃：<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">我真蠢，我大概一辈子都学不好数学了。</strong></span></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">更严重的后果是，如果长期处于“习得性无助”的状态，孩子可能会产生这样的想法：<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">未来的所有事都会像“学数学”一样无法控制，努力是没用的，从而全盘否定自己的付出，甚至变得自卑、悲观<span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/ccf6e56a5d8e24e93ee4fa84d85f2b2b.gif</span>。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/7c74f89490ead7349615bd41d9245652.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">孩子很容易产生“习得性无助”的情绪，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">因为相比成人，他们无法掌握生活的细节，更容易感到挫败感和无助</strong>，所以了解如何巧妙回应孩子消极的言语实在太重要了！</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">然而我们习以为常的鼓励方式可能处处是坑。我总结了我犯过的<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">三种错误且无用的回应方式</strong>，一起来看看吧！</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/a008363c2e14179d2bc769c3265b31c9.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">通常在听到孩子说“我好笨、我很差劲”时，我们听着是又急又气，大概会脱口而出：</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“怎么会这样想呢？你是个聪明的孩子！妈妈相信你可以的！再试试看吧，你能做到的！”（先否定情绪，再给信心）</strong></span></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">但是站在孩子的角度，这些话等于——<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">我做不到，我很难过，但这样想是不应该的。</strong>聪明的孩子就能做到吧，我让妈妈失望了，哎我真笨啊，还是别学了。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/61ba9415c22f674f5b98bcdfedae7767.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">这些话实际上直接否定了孩子的挫败感，不允许孩子去感受失败时刻小小的难过，“数学对我真的很难，但没人理解我”，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">并且忽略了更重要的一步，</strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">去倾听情绪背后的声音。</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(241, 121, 74);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;">ta当下想说的并不是“我是个笨孩子”、“我不想学了”，而可能是<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“我觉得6和9长得好像”。</strong></span></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></span></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 90%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/92ce9f948eeb0dda4a50b578c36a1090.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">当情绪上头时，共情很难。但这时我们更应该保持淡定，保持耐心，把自己的焦虑、心急从孩子的表述中移开，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">试着去接纳他们小小的负面情绪，承认情绪。</strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">我们可以俯下身来，看着孩子的眼睛：</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">“妈妈可以看出来，你现在有一点难过对吗？妈妈也觉得，分不清楚6和9是一件很难过的事，它们长得太像太像了，好难呀！</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">其实在妈妈小时候，很长一段时间都学不好数学，有次邻居家的哥哥给我讲一道很简单的题，讲了一下午，讲到天黑了我也没听懂，最后他直接把书扣上不讲了，说那道题有问题。</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">现在回头一想，可能大家都觉得妈妈小时候是个笨小孩吧，但我从来都不觉得自己笨哦！我每天都在进步哦，只是需要多花一点时间而已。”</span></strong></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;">在听到消极的言语时，</span><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">帮助孩子冷静下来，把“情绪问题”和孩子“对自我价值的评判”分离开来</span></strong><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;">，是面对失败的第一步。</span></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(78, 76, 76);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/28943792374242654421117f696ddb0b.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">还记得杨超越在某次发言时真情流露：<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“老天最爱笨小孩，不要放弃平庸和笨的自己！”</strong>，结果瞬间上了热搜，很多人都说被这段话打动了。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">其实想想看，我们被戳中的其实是她接纳自己“干啥啥不行”的坦然和<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“知道自己又笨又平庸，但还是要和世界刚到底”</strong>的勇气，其实背后的逻辑就是<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 18px;color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">成长型思维</span></strong><span style="color: rgb(62, 62, 62);box-sizing: border-box;">，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">简单来说就是</strong></span><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">抗挫折的能力，不被逆境打倒，保持乐观的心态。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">成长型思维是一种可以培养的能力，成长型思维的提出者斯坦福大学行为心理学教授Carol S.Dweck做过一项很有趣的实验，她给一群10岁的孩子一些超龄的难题，结果受试的学生分成了两大类：</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: flex;flex-flow: row nowrap;margin: 10px 0%;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 50 50 0%;height: auto;line-height: 0;letter-spacing: 0px;padding: 0px 10px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: right;margin: 0px 0%;justify-content: flex-end;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 5px;height: 5px;vertical-align: top;overflow: hidden;border: 0px none rgb(62, 62, 62);border-top-left-radius: 50px;border-bottom-right-radius: 50px;border-bottom-left-radius: 50px;border-top-right-radius: 50px;background-color: rgb(139, 207, 224);box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 100 100 0%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="margin: 0px 0% 2px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="background-color: rgb(139, 207, 224);height: 1px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"> 兴奋的，喜欢挑战自我<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“成长型思维派”</strong>：他们相信能力是可以不断培养的。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">悲观的，被难题击败的<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“固定型思维派”</strong>：他们的智商受到了挑战，感到了强烈的挫败感。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">固定型思维派的学生甚至告诉研究人员，他们下次可能会作弊，而不是认真读书。他们选择逃避问题，去和比他们考的更差的人对比，这会让他们自我感觉更好一些。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">而成长型思维派的学生会积极参与，思考错误，并从中学习经验并改进，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">他们相信“</strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">还没”（not yet）</span></strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">的力量。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 90%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/a4e4884470252c2795a6c50434d3b4b6.png</span></section></section><section style="text-align: center;font-size: 13px;color: rgb(136, 136, 136);line-height: 1.6;padding: 0px 40px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">△在碰到难题时，成长型思维的学生（右）在积极思考，大脑活动异常活跃；</p><p style="margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">而固定型思维的学生大脑（左）测不出什么活动，他们不想参与</p></section><section style="margin: 0px 0%;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="font-size: 14px;color: rgb(88, 88, 88);line-height: 2.2;letter-spacing: 1px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section><section style="transform: perspective(0px);-webkit-transform: perspective(0px);-moz-transform: perspective(0px);-o-transform: perspective(0px);transform-style: flat;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: flex;flex-flow: row nowrap;margin: 10px 0%;transform: rotateY(180deg);-webkit-transform: rotateY(180deg);-moz-transform: rotateY(180deg);-o-transform: rotateY(180deg);box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 50 50 0%;height: auto;line-height: 0;letter-spacing: 0px;padding: 0px 10px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: right;margin: 0px 0%;justify-content: flex-end;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 5px;height: 5px;vertical-align: top;overflow: hidden;border: 0px none rgb(62, 62, 62);border-top-left-radius: 50px;border-bottom-right-radius: 50px;border-bottom-left-radius: 50px;border-top-right-radius: 50px;background-color: rgb(139, 207, 224);box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 100 100 0%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="margin: 0px 0% 2px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="background-color: rgb(139, 207, 224);height: 1px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">失败是人生的常态，生活很难，在孩子小小的世界里也是如此，而成长型思维是能影响孩子一生的思维方式。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">在生活中我们经常看到有的孩子碰到一点小困难就会轻言放弃了；有的孩子一鼓作气，再而三，三而竭；也有的孩子却能<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">越挫越勇</strong>，关键就在于他们<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“对成败的归因方式”</strong>不同。</p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin: 10px 0%;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 100%;vertical-align: top;border: 3px solid rgb(139, 207, 224);border-top-left-radius: 0px;border-bottom-right-radius: 0px;border-bottom-left-radius: 0px;border-top-right-radius: 0px;padding: 0px;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: right;margin: 5px 0%;transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);-webkit-transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);-moz-transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);-o-transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 15%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" x="0px" y="0px" viewBox="0 0 105 25" style="vertical-align: middle;max-width: 100%;width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box;" width="100%"><g style="box-sizing: border-box;"><polygon points="20,20 15,20 10,20 5,20 0,20 0,25 5,25 10,25 15,25 20,25 25,25 25,20" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></polygon><g style="box-sizing: border-box;"><rect x="80" y="20" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="85" y="15" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="85" y="5" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="80" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="95" y="15" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="100" y="20" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="90" y="10" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="95" y="5" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="100" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect></g><path d="M60,0h-5h-5h-5h-5v5v5v5v5v5h5h5h5h5h5v-5v-5v-5V5V0H60z M60,10v5v5h-5h-5h-5v-5v-5V5h5h5h5V10z" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></path></g></svg></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;width: 100%;vertical-align: top;border-top-style: solid;border-top-width: 3px;border-top-left-radius: 0px;border-top-color: rgb(139, 207, 224);padding: 10px;background-color: rgb(222, 245, 255);box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="text-align: justify;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">积极心理学之父Martin Seligman在《活出最乐观的自己》一书中有个很经典的观点，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">不要把负面事件永久化、个人化和普遍化（3P原则）。</strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: justify;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(31, 65, 142);box-sizing: border-box;">“ 悲观主义者相信坏事都是自己的错，这件事会毁掉他的一切，而且会持续很久。</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">而乐观的人在遭遇同样的厄运时，会认为现在的失败是暂时的，每个失败都有它自己的原因，但那不是自己的错，可能是环境不好，运气差或者其他外部原因。”</span></strong></p></section></section></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">在教育孩子时，我们也能参考同样的思路，引导孩子乐观地认识成败：</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: flex;flex-flow: row nowrap;margin: 10px 0%;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 50 50 0%;height: auto;line-height: 0;letter-spacing: 0px;padding: 0px 10px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: right;margin: 0px 0%;justify-content: flex-end;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 5px;height: 5px;vertical-align: top;overflow: hidden;border: 0px none rgb(62, 62, 62);border-top-left-radius: 50px;border-bottom-right-radius: 50px;border-bottom-left-radius: 50px;border-top-right-radius: 50px;background-color: rgb(226, 226, 226);box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 100 100 0%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="margin: 0px 0% 2px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="background-color: rgb(226, 226, 226);height: 1px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 18px;color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">1. </span></strong> 把成功归因为<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“自身的努力”。</strong><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: 18px;color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">2. </span></strong>我只是<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">暂时</strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">做不好</strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">这件事而已</strong>，这是学习的一部分，事情在向好的方面发展。</p></section><section style="transform: perspective(0px);-webkit-transform: perspective(0px);-moz-transform: perspective(0px);-o-transform: perspective(0px);transform-style: flat;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: flex;flex-flow: row nowrap;margin: 10px 0%;transform: rotateY(180deg);-webkit-transform: rotateY(180deg);-moz-transform: rotateY(180deg);-o-transform: rotateY(180deg);box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 50 50 0%;height: auto;line-height: 0;letter-spacing: 0px;padding: 0px 10px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: right;margin: 0px 0%;justify-content: flex-end;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 5px;height: 5px;vertical-align: top;overflow: hidden;border: 0px none rgb(62, 62, 62);border-top-left-radius: 50px;border-bottom-right-radius: 50px;border-bottom-left-radius: 50px;border-top-right-radius: 50px;background-color: rgb(226, 226, 226);box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;align-self: flex-end;flex: 100 100 0%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="margin: 0px 0% 2px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="background-color: rgb(226, 226, 226);height: 1px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">第一点贯彻到生活中的做法是，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">表扬孩子时多称赞ta的努力，夸过程中的细节和进步，而不是只关注结果。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">比如孩子在投皮球比赛得了第一名：</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(31, 65, 142);box-sizing: border-box;"> 你做到了！你太棒了！</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(31, 65, 142);box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;"> 你在投皮球比赛里一直没放弃！妈妈看到刚开始时，你有好几个球都没投进去，但后来慢慢找到了方法，一次比一次投得准，你实在太棒了！</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">这种<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">具体</strong>的赞美，会比空泛地说“你太棒了”，真诚无数倍。当你强调孩子的努力和永不放弃的精神时，ta也会不断内化这个信息——<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">成功就是勤奋努力的回报。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/79374589601f4c635e16ce715498f9b7.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">反过来，如果我们平时表扬孩子时，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">注重夸结果，强调聪明，而很少描述过程</strong>会有什么后果呢？</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">长此以往，孩子可能会因为怕破坏自己在父母中的“完美形象”，所以只愿意待在舒适区，不去尝试可能发生失败的新事物，所以培养的是“固定型思维”。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">赞美孩子的努力同样是让孩子遭遇失败时“重整旗鼓”最有效的方法，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">失败只是暂时的，事情在向好的方面发展。</strong>回到刚才分不清6和9的例子：</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">"妞妞今天把6和9弄错了是不是？</span></strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">没关系的，你只是暂时还分不清楚而已</span></strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">，我们慢慢来，多练习几遍就能一点点地，像小乌龟一样进步啦。你现在已经认识很多很多数字了，妈妈感到特别骄傲！”</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/a653a39337f7f492bc502e352cc29cf7.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">我们还可以和孩子开诚布公地聊聊<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“失败经历”</strong>，分享你那天搞砸的一件事，比如错过了一个重要的电话，和同事没配合好工作，或者总是织不好毛衣，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">谈谈那件事有多难？自己有多努力？又从中得到了什么教训？</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">给孩子一个大大的拥抱，互相表达同情，同时庆祝我们又在失败中收获了一点点进步，这也是引导孩子关注“过程和努力”，而不是只看“结果”很好的实践。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/4cc18fc69a6fe280556aeddd66844462.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">拥有成长型思维的人明白，每次失败都是成长的一部分，他们会把失败的经历作为成长的垫脚石，所以不惧怕挑战，愿意尝试新事物，积极向上。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">我们还可以给孩子提供一点神经科学支持，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">“每次当你认真解决难题的时候，大脑都会像肌肉一样，变强壮一点点哦。”</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/67c1336a41a766f5852cfe841bd62882.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">负面的自言自语，通常是孩子表达“我很害怕”的方式之一</span></strong><span style="color: rgb(62, 62, 62);box-sizing: border-box;">，我们甚至可以在孩子放松舒服的时候，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">和孩子复盘那次“心态崩了”的经历，聊聊那次其实想表达什么困扰？</strong></span></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">我们需要告诉孩子，类似“我好笨”的负面词汇可能会影响ta的潜能。提醒孩子，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">情绪小怪兽很快就会消失，挫败感很快也会消失。</span></strong>但如果我们总想着那些转瞬即逝的负面情绪，深陷其中，我们的生活就会变得不快乐了，世界上明明有那么多快乐的事呀。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(160, 160, 160);box-sizing: border-box;">“我们可以有情绪，但可以换一种表达方式嘛，比如：做不出来那道题，我好伤心呀，但我只是暂时做不出来，我会再试试看的。”</span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/1bdb5ad2063f81f42572c4af5f8b1034.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">还有一种情况是，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">孩子本来是愿意尝试的，只是有一些畏难情绪，但父母在旁边一直鼓励，一直鼓励，反而给了孩子很大压力。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">还记得我初中时跳远特别差，经常连身高都跳不到。其中很大一部分原因是，每次考试在我心目中都是一次“公开处刑”，一群同学围着你大喊加油，而作为当事人，你会觉得跳不好，就愧对了别人的期待，实在太有压力了……</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">后来体育老师实在看不下去了，给我单独开小灶，一步步分解跳远的步骤，结果没怎么鼓励，我就在尝试中慢慢找到了技巧，跳出了人生第一个1.8米，越跳越自信。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/07181578a55dc249ba53b6587fd3c9ed.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">说回育儿，其实道理是一样的，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">给孩子足够的安全感，适当鼓励就够了。</span></strong>告诉孩子不用担心，爸爸妈妈会在旁边保护你，一直看着你哦！同时留够空间给孩子尝试。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">记得妞妞刚三岁的时候，有天我带她去吃麦当劳早餐，心想那里有一个小游乐园，她正好可以去玩一下。但妞妞在封闭式的游乐园总是特别紧张，我怎么鼓励她进去玩都没有用。于是我说：</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“那你想要在这里看着他们玩吗？”</strong></em>我指了指不远处的一个空位说，<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">“妈妈就在那边喝咖啡，好吗？”</strong></em>妞妞说：好的。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 90%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/baa9a13bc822f02429e32025c70caad0.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">我远远地看着她，而她就背靠着栏杆，想玩又不敢进去。她看了很久，慢慢放松下来了，这时我又过去问她，要不要进去试试，妈妈就在“滑梯的洞口等她”。她终于鼓起勇气参与到其他孩子里。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 90%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/9167a22e70d9c4a911a304589ce5437a.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">在孩子小试牛刀的初期，亦步亦趋的近身保护，给予孩子足够的安全感特别重要。</strong>记得在陪伴着进游乐设施玩过很多次后，小妞终于鼓起勇气，自己爬进绳子结的隧道（我就在下方看着她），结果突然来了一群哥哥姐姐，在后面催促。妞妞吓得踩了个空，挂在轨道里一步也不挪动了。这时候，大人能够马上冲进去“解救”也很重要，<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">以免孩子进了一步，却又因此吓退三步。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">除了言语的鼓励，实操经验也很重要。我们可以分解步骤，用<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">"</strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">搭梯子"</span></strong>的方式让孩子一步步达成目标。这种方法有助于孩子克服某种恐惧感。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">比如孩子对要在舞台上表演弹钢琴感到紧张，她可以先在家为爸爸妈妈表演，熟练之后再为好朋友演奏。再然后，她可以在下次家庭聚会上，为更多的亲友表演。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">每一小步都会为最后的表演积累信心，在梯子上再进一步。不断赞美孩子的进步和努力，建立信心，让他们感受到鼓舞和动力。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/22b7d1dff3ef7eaa72be3412e21d084d.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">另一个我认为树立信心很有效的方式是“<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">写成功日记”</span></strong>，<span style="box-sizing: border-box;">这是《小狗钱钱》里钱钱提到的做法，我们只需要准备一本日记本，每天记录下今天为完成目标，做到的</span>至少5条成果，任何小事都可以。</p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">成功日记能帮助孩子把注意力转移到成功的经验上，认可自己的努力和进步，放大自信，积极地思考如何完成目标，它是一种很有效的</strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(26, 181, 186);box-sizing: border-box;">正向机制</span></strong><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 80%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/36cb737f6bb469fab7f75ba524349cab.jpeg</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin-top: 10px;margin-bottom: 10px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;box-sizing: border-box;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/19/f99ebeb444db60b90975f4bce57872e8.png</span></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="text-align: center;margin: 10px 0%;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 100%;vertical-align: top;border: 3px solid rgb(139, 207, 224);border-top-left-radius: 0px;border-bottom-right-radius: 0px;border-bottom-left-radius: 0px;border-top-right-radius: 0px;padding: 0px;background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: right;margin: 5px 0%;transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);-webkit-transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);-moz-transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);-o-transform: translate3d(-10px, 0px, 0px);box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="max-width: 100%;vertical-align: middle;display: inline-block;line-height: 0;width: 15%;height: auto;box-sizing: border-box;"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" x="0px" y="0px" viewBox="0 0 105 25" style="vertical-align: middle;max-width: 100%;width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box;" width="100%"><g style="box-sizing: border-box;"><polygon points="20,20 15,20 10,20 5,20 0,20 0,25 5,25 10,25 15,25 20,25 25,25 25,20" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></polygon><g style="box-sizing: border-box;"><rect x="80" y="20" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="85" y="15" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="85" y="5" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="80" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="95" y="15" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="100" y="20" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="90" y="10" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="95" y="5" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect><rect x="100" width="5" height="5" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></rect></g><path d="M60,0h-5h-5h-5h-5v5v5v5v5v5h5h5h5h5h5v-5v-5v-5V5V0H60z M60,10v5v5h-5h-5h-5v-5v-5V5h5h5h5V10z" fill="#a0a0a0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></path></g></svg></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;width: 100%;vertical-align: top;border-top-style: solid;border-top-width: 3px;border-top-left-radius: 0px;border-top-color: rgb(139, 207, 224);padding: 10px;background-color: rgb(222, 245, 255);box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="text-align: justify;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">总结一下，当听到孩子消极的自言自语时，我们可以试着这样做：<br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">1. <span style="color: rgb(81, 81, 81);font-family: "Open Sans";letter-spacing: normal;text-align: left;box-sizing: border-box;">共情孩子的挫败感，肯定情绪。</span></span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(81, 81, 81);font-family: "Open Sans";letter-spacing: normal;text-align: left;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: rgb(81, 81, 81);font-family: "Open Sans";letter-spacing: normal;text-align: left;box-sizing: border-box;">2. 重复他们的陈述，最后加上“只是暂时还没学会……”。</span></span></strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">3. 让孩子想想有没有积极的问题解决方法？（复盘、搭梯子、写成功日记）</strong></p></section><section style="text-align: justify;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">4. 每天和孩子聊聊“今日最佳失败经历”，互相鼓励。</strong></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;">这样做了几次后，我们会渐渐发现，在碰到困难时，孩子依然带着负面情绪，但变得愿意去主动尝试挑战了，因为“<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">我只是暂时做不到而已，总有一天，我也能做到的”</strong>，这就是成长性思维的潜力所在哦！<br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section></section></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section><section style="box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="align-items: center;display: flex;margin: 10px 0%;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;flex: 1 0 1px;letter-spacing: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="margin: 0.5em 0px;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="border-top-width: 1px;border-top-style: dashed;border-top-color: rgb(62, 62, 62);box-sizing: border-box;"><section><svg viewBox="0 0 1 1" style="float:left;line-height:0;width:0;vertical-align:top;"></svg></section></section></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;flex: 0 1 auto;box-shadow: rgb(0, 0, 0) 0px 0px 0px;line-height: 0;padding: 0px 10px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: center;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><section style="display: inline-block;width: 9px;height: 9px;vertical-align: top;overflow: hidden;background-color: rgb(255, 222, 23);border: 1px solid rgb(62, 62, 62);border-top-left-radius: 100px;border-bottom-right-radius: 100px;border-bottom-left-radius: 100px;border-top-right-radius: 100px;box-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 1px 1px 0px inset;line-height: 0;letter-spacing: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="text-align: justify;box-sizing: border-box;" powered-by="xiumi.us"><p style="white-space: normal;margin: 0px;padding: 0px;box-sizing: border-box;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></p></section></section></section></section><section style="display: inline-block;vertical-align: bottom;width: auto;flex: 1 0 1px;box-sizing: border-box;"><section style="margin: 0.5em 0px;box-sizing: border-box;" 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