99%的父母不知道，你常做的这3件事正在毁掉孩子的“抗挫力”
<div style="max-width:677px !important;"><p style="text-align: center;" data-mpa-powered-by="yiban.io"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/21/fd8fa022b735dcdf0c60391d3d374f78.png</span></p><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">知</span><span style="font-size: 15px;">乎上有个问题：哪些能力很重要，却是大多数人没有的？</span><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong>点赞最多的回答是：抗挫折能力。</strong></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">有个孩子妈妈，找我吐槽儿子的一个致命“缺点”：遇到点困难就退缩，总是输不起。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">自己搭积木，每次刚拼高点，一碰就倒了。重复四五次以后受不了，情绪崩溃哭了，开始发脾气、扔积木——不干了！</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">和爸爸玩桌游，没过10分钟，就尖叫着跑进我屋里发脾气，哭着说“不和爸爸玩了”，因为一直输……</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">学习也是，一碰到难题就不写了，考试一考差了，就不想学了。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/21/9b0d92acd00aa22b6818a799c5bd18a1.gif</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">总之就是，一遇到点挫折就给跪了，完全没有迎难而上的心态，还动不动就又哭又闹，<span style="letter-spacing: 0.5px;">她用过不少方式引导，纠正行为，可是都没有什么效果。</span></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">再看看隔壁邻居家的小孩，干什么事都斗志满满，不由得感叹：</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong><span style="letter-spacing: 0.544px;"><br></span></strong></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong><span style="letter-spacing: 0.544px;">为什么有的小孩子受挫之后，没多久就又满血复活干劲十足，而有的孩子遇到一点点挫折就灰心丧气，不愿再试？</span><strong style="letter-spacing: 0.544px;"></strong></strong></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong><span style="letter-spacing: 0.544px;"><br></span></strong></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">有一个事实，常常被我们忽略了。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="text-align: center;white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 79, 121);"><strong>99%的父母不知道</strong></span></section><section style="text-align: center;white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 79, 121);"><strong>这样做会扼杀孩子抗挫力</strong></span><br></section><section style="text-align: center;line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="text-align: center;line-height: 1.75em;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(62, 62, 62);line-height: 25.6px;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 169, 0);font-size: 16px;max-width: 100%;line-height: 22.4px;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/21/dccde52c2c780a4fab1656bb42c30a7f.png</span></span></strong></strong></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(62, 62, 62);line-height: 25.6px;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 169, 0);font-size: 16px;max-width: 100%;line-height: 22.4px;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></span></strong></strong></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">大家好，我是张怡筠博士。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">20年儿童情商教育职业生涯中，接触过<span style="max-width: 100%;letter-spacing: 0.544px;">数不清的</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.5px;max-width: 100%;color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">孩子“知难就退 ，遇挫就哭”</span><span style="max-width: 100%;letter-spacing: 0.544px;">的经历，<strong>最后发现在培养孩子抗挫力上，其实99%的家长都努力错了方向。</strong></span></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/21/192e6b8105c108a6af83e99c4b26ef4d.jpeg</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">如果你有疑惑，先听我讲个故事。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">之前遇到一位妈妈参加我的线下培训，四下无人时向我求助，她说自己的儿子最近情绪越来越暴躁。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">做事情遇到困难，或者受挫了之后，就会<strong>大哭、打别人、用头撞墙...</strong>我们都吓坏了，实在不知道怎么办。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">听到这里，心里一紧。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">为了更直观了解孩子状况，做游戏训练时，我特意观察了下她和孩子的互动。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="text-align: left;white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">当时正好做一场搭积木训练，孩子搭积木倒了，便急得大哭，坐在地上说啥也不干了。这时妈妈立刻<span style="color: rgb(247, 150, 70);max-width: 100%;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong>拉下脸</strong></span>：<strong style="white-space: normal;font-size: 15px;">“这有什么好难过的，不要哭了”。</strong><strong style="white-space: normal;font-size: 15px;"></strong></span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">没想到孩子哭得更大声了，于是她耐着性子赶紧<span style="color: rgb(247, 150, 70);max-width: 100%;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong>安慰</strong></span>说：<strong>“加油，宝贝，坚持，妈妈相信你一定可以的！”</strong></span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">听到这句话，孩子竟然大力地推了妈妈一下，场面实在难堪，为了赶紧熄灭这场战火，妈妈不得不<span style="color: rgb(247, 150, 70);max-width: 100%;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong>缴械投降。</strong></span></span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong style="">“妈妈帮你，你看这多简单啊，妈妈做的到，你怎么做不到呢？”</strong></span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong style=""><br></strong></span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong style=""><span>https://www.gongyi020.com/data/attachment/forum/202103/21/9a649f092f0f222b29f0a6de0666e884.gif</span></strong></span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">看到这里，我大概知道了原因。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong>很多人跟这位妈妈一样，走过的大多数弯路，其实是在破坏孩子对挫折的「感觉」：</strong></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">要么让孩子不要哭闹，或者放任他不管，否定孩子对挫折的「感觉」，久而久之，孩子情绪无法被释放，就陷入习得性无助。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">要么空洞地给孩子加油打气，这种鼓励反而变成一种期待的“压力”，压得他喘不过气，情绪失控。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">或者，索性——</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.544px;max-width: 100%;color: rgb(83, 83, 83);box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">「我帮你做，你按照我的方法来」……直接剥夺了孩子自己探索解决问题的体验，</span><span style="color: rgb(247, 150, 70);max-width: 100%;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong>孩子根本没有机会锻炼对挫折的「感觉」，更别提这种包办代替让孩子最直观地认为“原来爸妈觉得我是不行的”。</strong></span></span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">长久下来，遇到问题他会愤怒，“打别人”，实际上是家长无意识让他形成了把“失败感”归咎在他人身上的思维习惯。</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong>孩子所有的“脆弱”行为背后，都有对应的心理原理。</strong></span></section><blockquote data-type="2" data-url="" data-author-name="" data-content-utf8-length="63" data-source-title=""><section style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><section style="max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">比如，孩子接受不了失败，不是输不起，而是</span><strong style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">心理认知发展</strong><span style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">还没成熟，他们对一件事的认知判断能力跟成人是有差异的。</span></span></section><section style="max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">比如，孩子遇到挫折就大哭，不是玻璃心，而是</span><strong style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">情绪调节力不够</strong><span style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">，大脑还不具备主动教他们辨别情绪，愤怒时如何控制情绪的能力。</span></span></section><section style="max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">再比如，孩子遇事喜欢放弃甚至厌学、轻生，很大程度，是很多爸妈</span><strong style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">错误的教养方式，</strong><span style="color: rgb(83, 83, 83);letter-spacing: 0.544px;">让他们感觉“受伤”，“压迫”甚至“崩溃”了。</span></span></section></section></blockquote><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">如果家长不了解，很可能好心办坏事，强行把孩子拖入“抗挫能力差”的境地。</span></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="white-space: normal;max-width: 100%;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">于是，接下来的一个月，我就带这位家长了解这个年龄段孩子常见的<strong style="">心理挫折感</strong>，比如游戏失败、在幼儿园没有小朋友一起玩、稍微大一点之后的同伴比较以及考试带来的压力等，并教给她一些对应的方法：</span></section><section style="line-height: 1.75em;"><br></section><blockquote><section style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498);max-width: 100%;min-height: 1em;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(136, 136, 136);box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">“</span><span style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(247, 150, 70);box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">同理心原则</span></strong></span><span style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(136, 136, 136);box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">”，理解孩子的挫折感受，让孩子感受到安全感；</span></span></section><section style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498);max-width: 100%;min-height: 1em;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="max-width: 100%;min-height: 1em;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136);max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">“</span><span style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(247, 150, 70);box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">情绪命名法</span><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136);max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">”</strong>，</span></strong><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136);max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">教他识别不同情绪感受，让他的情绪自控力更加自如；</span></span></section><section style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498);max-width: 100%;min-height: 1em;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br></section><section style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498);max-width: 100%;min-height: 1em;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">“</span><span style="max-width: 100%;color: rgb(247, 150, 70);box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><strong style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">延迟满足法</span></strong></span><span style="max-width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">”，培养耐心，让他坚持做一件事情的时间越来越长。</span></span></section><section style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498);max-width: 100%;min-height: 1em;margin-left: 8px;margin-right: 8px;line-height: 1.75em;box-sizing: border-box !important;overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">.......<br>来源：张怡筠情商教育（iloveeqcom）
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